6-Week Mind-Body Infertility Support Group Starting

If you've been following along for any length of time, you know that I'm passionate about helping women who are experiencing infertility. I understand how lonely, scary and isolating this path can be.

In addition to the individual infertility counseling I provide to women in my private practice here in San Diego, I facilitate support groups. These groups introduce new coping strategies and offer women a place to share, connect and gain support from other women who are going through the same thing. 

This may not be you, but it's someone you know- your sister, your cousin, your friend. I know because of just how common infertility is that we're talking about someone you know, perhaps someone you care for deeply. Please consider sharing this with her.  

Does this sound like you, or someone you care about?

• "I'm so overwhelmed with the process of trying to have a baby; I never thought it would be this hard".

• "I feel so alone in this process; no one I know has struggled to have a baby"! 

• "I'm not really sure what to do anymore. The anticipation and the waiting/trying to conceive are stressing me out so much".

• "I'm dreading this visit home and having to hear one more person ask me when we're going to have a baby". 

• "I feel so guilty for how I feel when I see pregnant women, or baby announcements; is this normal?"

Maybe you/they haven't actually said these words, but the feelings are there. If it's someone you care about, perhaps you've noticed their withdrawal, their worry and you're concerned about them.

Gaining support from others and developing new coping skills can help: 

• Reduce anxiety, stress and/or overwhelm 

• Lessen feelings of isolation, loneliness or depression

• Improve communication and relationships with important people in your life

My next Infertility Support Group starts on October 9th and is designed for women who are experiencing primary or secondary infertility. Throughout the group we'll explore issues related to infertility, including the impact on identity, self-esteem, sexuality and relationships. Participants have the opportunity to learn and practice relaxation and other mind-body coping skills each week. While we can't change the stressors you experience each day, you can learn to manage your response to allow you to live more comfortably and engage with life more fully. 

You can learn more about the group and schedule an intake through this link. If you have any questions, you can email me or sign up for a free consultation.

You also might find this blog post helpful when considering the benefits of a support group. 

Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Month: Resources for Connection and Healing

Photo by Jeremy Bishop on Unsplash

In the United States, one in four women experience a miscarriage, and one in 160 experience a stillbirth each year. These number are high, though despite being such a common occurrence the pain is no less. 

Perhaps you have experienced a loss yourself. If not, you surely know someone who has, even if you're not aware of it. Losing a baby can be a lonely and isolating time. Unfortunately, death and loss continue to be very private topics in most circles. For some well-meaning family and friends, they're not sure what to say and how to help (this article might be helpful for them to read). And for others, they're unaware just how long these wounds remain. Time marches on, yet for those who have experienced such a loss, time also stands still.

October is Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Month and this Sunday, October 15th is Pregnancy and Infant Loss Remebrence Day. In solidarity with all the families who know this pain, I offer no advice but resources to help you connect with others on your healing journey, and to honor your lost child(ren) throughout the month. You are not alone. 

San Diego Events and Resources for Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Month

Walk to Remember 2017 Empty Cradle"s annual  Walk to Remember will be held on Sunday, October 15, 2017 at Town Center Community Park East in Santee, CA.Side By Side 5K  A 5K benefitting Life Perspectives, a non-profit organization that provides healing resources for men and women worldwide who are experiencing loss through miscarriage or abortion. 

Empty Cradle  A San Diego Based peer support group for parents who have experienced the loss of their baby due to miscarriage, stillbirth, TFMR, infant death, SIDS or SUID. Our goal is to offer bereaved families support via a resource parent network, through monthly meetings, written materials and partnership with the health care community.

Postpartum Health Alliance Lists many more resources, both locally here in San Diego and nationally for families experiencing a loss. 

National Events for Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Month

Remembering Our Babies The official site of Pregnancy and Infant Loss Remembrance Day-- October 15th. Please consult for local to you walks and activities. 

Wave of Light  October 15th is the wave of light event. The idea is at 7pm no matter what your time zone is you light a candle in remembrance for our angels, if you keep it burning for at least an hour there will be a continual wave of light across the world all day.

Capture Your Grief  A 31 day photograph challenge. If you have experienced the death of your baby/ies/child/ren, this project is designed just for you! It doesn’t matter whether you are only a week into this walk or you have been walking this road for 20 years, all are welcome to join in.

Pregnancy Loss Journey  A podcast where you can hear from professionals, authors, and organizations in the field, along with personal loss stories. 

If you are in San Diego and could benefit from additional support along your journey, please reach out for help. It would be an honor to walk beside you. And if you are somewhere else in the world and looking for counseling around the loss of a pregnancy or infant, please refer to the Pregnancy and Infant Loss Directory. 

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Please feel free to add any additional local or national events in the comments. If you're mourning the loss of a child and would like to connect with a therapist in the San Diego area, I’m happy to help. Feel free to reach out by phone or email and we can talk about ways you might benefit from counseling. 

Becoming More Mindful: Where to Start?

Photo by Tanushree Khanna on Unsplash

We live in a fast-paced society where it feels like there's rarely (dare I say never) enough time. I know I'm not alone in this feeling; I hear about it daily from friends and family, and of course the clients I counsel in my practice. The overwhelm is folded into the lives of my clients who are struggling to conceive, those grieving, the women who are adjusting to the reality of motherhood, the men who feel a ridiculous amount of pressure to provide and succeed financially. Sometimes the greatest stressors come from within, our attempts to be the best partner/parent/daughter/brother/insert role.

Mindfulness has been a buzz word for the past decade or so and shows no sign of leaving center stage of the $3.7 trillion global wellness market (Reference). And there's good reason-- midnfulness is touted as the antidote for aging, perfectionism, anxiety, depression. The list goes on. But for those unfamiliar with mindfulness, learning what it is and what it isn't, and figuring out how to bring it into your life can cause more of those feelings of overwhelm we're trying to conquer. After all, won't adding something else to your to do list make you even busier?

That feeling of being busy and rushing all the time, there's a choice in that. At least that's what the gurus of mindfulness tell us. With a mindful approach, we get to decide how we interact with the world around us. Mindfulness helps us to slow down and  to pay attention to our thoughts, behaviors and reactions. Mindfulness allows us to respond rather than react.

How to Be More Mindful

So how do we bring mindfulness into our daily lives? Like all things we strive towards, we must develop a mindfulness practice to reap the rewards. We must schedule a time, then stop what we're doing, and sit. Starting with a guided meditation can often be a helpful place to begin for those who have no prior experience with mindfulness. Below is a short 5-minute guided mindfulness exercise. It's one that I introduce to clients in my practice and in my infertility support groups: 5 Senses Mindfulness Exercise. I didn't write it myself, but it's my recording.

I like this exercise because it allows us to recognize the many ways we can be mindful in our own bodies each and every day. By attuning to the senses we can invite ourselves to stay in the present moment when we're eating, resting, gazing, walking, listening-- grounding ourselves wherever we may be, whenever we need it. 
 

The Wandering Mind

Photo by ANDRIK ↟ LANGFIELD ↟ PETRIDES on Unsplash

I like to remind my clients that there's no right and wrong with mindfulness; it's simply about cultivating awareness. Many people incorrectly believe they're "doing it wrong" because their mind wanders. This is normal as our minds are made to think. The practice of mindfulness is to simply guide your attention back to whatever it is you are doing-- breathing, pushing a grocery cart, taking a shower. Yes, each of these activities can be done mindfully. But let's start with sitting.

So find yourself a quiet place to begin. Push the button below when you're ready. You will need to download the link in order to play it on iTunes. I hope this experience allows you to slow down, if even for just 5 minutes

Whether you're a busy parent or longing to be one, mindfulness is an invaluable tool to help cope with the stressors of daily living. If you’re looking for a therapist in the San Diego area, I’m happy to help. Feel free to reach out by phone or email and we can talk about ways you might benefit from counseling. 

Making Mother’s Day Meaningful For You

As a therapist, and a mother, daughter, friend, neighbor and sister-in-law, I’ve supported countless girls and women through the emotional rollercoaster that Mother’s Day often brings. While we were all brought into the world by a woman, she’s not always the one we call mom. Some children are lucky to have one or more caring women in their lives who are regarded as a mother, or a mother figure. But everyone is not so fortunate; some children grow into adulthood never having experienced this type of maternal bond.

Growing up, one of my closest friends lost her mother to cancer when we were in 7th grade. Since then, I’ve always looked at Mother’s Day through a different lens. Intuitively I knew at that time that this holiday would be hard for her each and every year for the rest of her life. In graduate school and through my training and experience over the past 15+ years I’ve learned about the importance of the mother-daughter bond and the many ways that this bond can be impacted through developmental and situational life traumas.

Now, I spend my days in my private practice working with women who are on both sides of the motherhood journey—those who are yearning to be mothers, struggling with infertility, and those who have become mothers and are making their way through the transition to motherhood, often coping with symptoms of depression, anxiety and post traumatic stress. I also see women who are caught somewhere in-between on their motherhood journey, those who have lost their babies. Unfortunately no one is exempt from the myriad of emotions that may be stirred up by this second Sunday in May.

MOTHER’S DAY CAN BE PAINFUL

There are many reasons why this day might be hard for you. Not having a mother, or losing a mother can trigger emotions of loss and sadness as the day approaches. Even new moms who are navigating their way through this first year of motherhood aren’t excluded from this conversation. If you’re struggling with a postpartum mood or anxiety disorder, shame and guilt may be overriding any feelings of joy you’d hoped to experience.

Becoming a mother also makes us acutely aware of the ways in which we were or weren’t mothered. These experiences and memories can stir up a well of feelings.  The anticipation of the holiday can spark feelings of overwhelm, grief and loss. Similar emotions may arise for those who are still struggling to create a baby, or bring one into their lives and hearts.

The anticipation of Mother’s Day can be more difficult than the actual day for some. I have found that making a plan is one of the best ways to prepare for the day and to help make the day meaningful to you notwithstanding the pain you also feel.
 

PREPARATAION

I encourage my clients to focus on activities that feel nourishing—curling up with a good book, walking on the beach, eating yummy food, making a recipe that touches the soul like only the smells and tastes of certain foods can do. Taking care of ourselves is the first step.

You may be wondering how to cope with family responsibilities, the obligatory Mother’s Day brunch at Aunt Suzy’s or the BBQ dinner at your step-mother’s. For some, the idea of forgoing a family obligation just isn’t an option. And that’s OK. But I encourage you to check-in with yourself and weigh the pros and cons carefully. You matter. If you decide you must go, consider if you’re able to arrive late and leave early. This is often a great solution if declining the invitation might cause too much family drama. Try to add something to your day that feels supportive, so you don’t go to bed feeling depleted emotionally and physically, which is so often the end result when emotions are thoroughly taxed.
 

CREATE YOUR OWN TRADITION

Whether you’re adding on to an existing event or starting from scratch, consider making your own traditions.  If you’re not sure what that might look like, keep reading. I’ve included a few ideas to help get you thinking and planning for a day that’s special to you. Hopefully one of these ideas will inspire you.

GO FOR A HIKE. Spring is the perfect time of the year in most areas of the U.S. to get outside, soak up the sunshine and breathe in some fresh air. Not only is a walk outside great for the body but also for the mind. Physical exercise has been shown to release endorphins (feel-good hormones), which naturally trigger positive feelings helping to reduce levels of depression and anxiety. The great thing about hiking is that you can do it alone, with a partner and even bring the kids, regardless of their age. And please don’t be put off by the word “hike”. A stroll in nature can be just as good for the body and the mind.

GARDEN. Another great activity to do alone or with others. If your garden has been neglected, weeding can be more gratifying than one might think. Try to embrace the tedious task as a practice of mindfulness, staying present as you loosen each stubborn weed from the grip of mother earth. Allow yourself to sense the soil in your hands, the sun on your back, the sweat trickling down your face. If you’re ready for planting, head to the nursery and find the vegetables, or flowers that catch your eye. Decide if you will plant from seed or not. Imagine the bounty that will grow from your hard labor and attention over the coming weeks and months and how the colors, smells and sounds of the garden will fill you, and perhaps your belly.

GET A MASSAGE.  The benefits of massage are too great to enumerate here. The physical benefits associated with pain management go without saying.  In addition, massage promotes relaxation and stress relief, which directly impact mood. Research shows that touch triggers a cascade of chemical responses, including a decrease in stress hormones, and an increase in serotonin and dopamine levels. The shift in these bio-chemicals has been proven to improve mood and decrease symptoms of depression.

EAT WELL. Make a point to feed yourself well. We’ve heard the saying too often- you are what you eat. Often feelings of stress and sadness are greeted with foods that are laden with sugar, salt or fat. Bad fat. These foods do little to nourish the body, or our mental well-being. But there are choices you can make that will actually help to boost your mood. Start by choosing meals for the day that incorporate a wide variety of fruits and vegetables. Avoid processed foods as much as possible. Prioritize foods that boost your dopamine and naturally boost your mood like animal proteins, almonds, avocados, bananas, chocolate, green tea, watermelon, yogurt, leafy greens and legumes. Choose non caffeinated tea in lieu of coffee, which can increase symptoms of depression and anxiety.

SLEEP! I’d be remiss not to mention sleep. Indulging in an afternoon nap or heading to bed on the early side can be a great add on to any tradition in the making. We live in such a busy society, and sleep is often the first thing to go. But not enough sleep can cause irritability, anger, stress and low motivation. So allow yourself to take it slow today and catch up on any sleep you may have missed this week.

I’d love to know how your day went and whether this article was personally helpful. And let us know what worked—or didn’t for you. If you found this Mother’s Day particularly difficult, consider reaching out for support from a trained therapist. If you are in the San Diego area, send me a message or give me a call at 619.780.3277 to see if we’re a good fit for therapy. Psychology Today is another great resource for finding a therapist near you.

Four Reasons to Join An (In)fertility Group

In honor of National Infertility Awareness Week, I’m encouraging anyone who’s struggling with infertility to speak up and get the support they need. If you know someone who’s could benefit, please consider sharing this article; you may not know how to help them, but pointing them to resources and letting them know you want to help will be appreciated.

Infertility is often a lonely and isolating time. It’s unexpected, often coming from out of the blue. But it doesn’t have to be like this. There are groups around that can help you deal with the predictable emotional roller coaster of feeling scared, worried, disappointed and sad. 

You may have considered looking for a group. You may have even located one, in your neighborhood, city or even online, but something has gotten in your way of joining. Hopefully reading this article will encourage you to think about the value of joining an infertility group.

Acknowledging the issue of infertility is often the biggest barrier to seeking help. The word itself may at first be scary, And then there's the fear and shame, which help maintain the loneliness and isolation so many experience. We often think we should be able to handle whatever life throws at us alone. But that's simply unrealistic. We are social beings and rely on others for many reasons. 

You may feel uneasy about sharing your dilemma with others. You may be fearful of hearing others’ stories. But here are four reasons why I hope you will consider joining an infertility support group. The old adage, "Joy shared, twice the gain, sorrow shared, half the pain,” rings true for me every time: 

1. EXPAND YOUR COMMUNITY

Infertility is often a lonely and isolating time. Whether you join a group expressly for women, or one for couples, you can expect to meet others who are in a similar situation and can relate to many of the struggles you're facing. Living in isolation can leave us feeling like we're the only ones who feel a certain way. Joining a group helps to validate common worries and emotions that individuals and couples face who are experiencing infertility.
 

2. LEARN COPING SKILLS

Infertility often goes hand in hand with depression and anxiety. Learning how to manage difficult emotions and life challenges associated with your infertility diagnosis is often another benefit to joining a group. Infertility is a crisis and a reproductive trauma, yet most people focus exclusively on medical interventions to reach their goal of having a baby. The emotional impact of infertility is often neglected until the distress is greatly impacting their day-to-day life and relationships.

So what if I told you that learning new tools could help decrease your symptoms of depression and anxiety like stress, worry, sadness, grief and loss? Did you know that deceasing these feelings could have a positive impact on your fertility? Many professionally led groups teach participants a combination of Cognitive Behavior Therapy and Mindfulness skills. Here’s how these skills can help you: 

• Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT), an evidence based treatment for both depression and anxiety, is based on the understanding that our thoughts influence our emotions, but that our thoughts aren't always accurate. CBT teaches us how to challenge our thoughts to make them more realistic. 

• While Mindfulness has been a big buzz word for the past 5-10 years, many are still confused with the objective. Being mindful is about paying attention, slowing down and becoming aware and noticing your thoughts. By slowing ourselves down  on a regular basis we become skilled at approaching difficult moments in a more thoughtful intentional way. Simply slowing down and mindfully approaching stressful situations can have an important ripple effect benefit you in a multitude of ways.
   

3. LEARN FROM OTHERS

It is said, "Knowledge is Power." The treatment of infertility is often diverse and complex. Educating yourself as to the wide variety of treatment approaches and options is important. Joining a group may open your eyes to new options and opportunities.
 

4. FINANCIAL SAVINGS

It's no surprise that infertility treatments can be costly. You're doing everything you can to have a baby and it adds up: consultations with reproductive endocrinologists, acupuncture treatment, appointments with a naturopath, testing, procedures to rule out contributing health issues... And this is all before any costs of medications or other assisted reproductive technology are accounted for.

So how does joining a group save you money, you're wondering? Research shows that women struggling with infertility for 2-3 years have double the rate of depression than their peers without fertility complications (Domar, Broom et al 1992). The good news is that decreasing depression has proven to increase rates of conception by 50%. Joining a group can provide you with new skills to help you to cope with difficult emotions and challenges in relationships that often accompany infertility.

A group isn't necessarily a cure-all, but it's more cost-effective than ongoing individual therapy. By bolstering your support system and learning new coping strategies you may improve your mood and decrease the likelihood of needing an individual therapist as you proceed on your journey with infertility. What do you think, could a fertility group be right for you?

If you’re thinking that a group might be for you and you’re in the San Diego area, you can learn more about the groups I run here. I meet with all new group members before our first group to learn more about you and to make sure it’s the right fit. Give me a call if you'd like to learn more. If you’re outside of San Diego, you can find local fertility support groups through Resolve, the National Infertility Association, and Psychology Today.

Infertility Support Group

The journey through infertility can be lonely and isolating. Maybe you've lost touch with some of your friends or they just don't understand what you're going through. Even family, while well-meaning, often don't get it. 

The anxiety and stress can feel overwhelming. You're not sure what your next step is and how to navigate this stage of your life- this stage you never imagined having to go through in the first place. Maybe you worry you're too depressed to be around a group of other women. But remember- these women GET it! 

Join me, Rachel Rabinor, Licensed Clinical Social Worker and Dr. Elizabeth Winter, Licensed Naturopathic Doctor and Midwife for this 6-Week Mind/Body Infertility Support Group. 

Share as much or as little as you like. Listen to others. Feel the power of community. Reach out for support during this challenging time in your life and know you are not alone.

Dates: 
February 21 + 28
March 7, 14, 21 + 28

Cost: 
$275 ($225 before February 1, 2017)

Throughout the six weeks we'll explore issues related to fertility, including the impact on identity, self-esteem, sexuality and relationships. You'll have the opportunity to learn and practice relaxation and other mind/body coping skills each week. While we can't change the stressors you experience each day, we can help you learn to manage your response to allow you to live more comfortably and engage with life more fully. 

Women experiencing both primary and secondary infertility are welcome.

Registration required.